If you listen closely, you can almost hear it. That distant rumble isn’t thunder. It’s the sound of a massive flop barreling toward theaters.
Things are already looking grim for Melania, the new documentary-slash-fever-dream about the former First Lady, ahead of its release this Friday. Despite Amazon MGM reportedly shelling out nearly $75 million for the project, the film is tracking for an opening weekend haul somewhere between a laughable $1 million and $5 million.
That’s a disaster by any standard, especially considering the breathless hype coming from Melania’s husband, who has declared the film a “MUST WATCH” and insisted tickets are “selling out, FAST.” Reality, as usual, appears to disagree.
Even Elon Musk’s Twitter X chatbot Grok couldn’t spin this one. The AI reportedly rated the film an “8/10 flop,” citing “significant underperformance relative to budget and hype.” When the robot won’t lie for you, it’s over.
All that money, straight into the shredder
According to reports, at least $35 million of Melania’s bloated budget went toward marketing. In hindsight, that may not have been the wisest investment.
Across Los Angeles, bus stop posters featuring a black-and-white photo of Melania have been repeatedly vandalized. Scribbled insults, Sharpie-drawn Hitler mustaches, and phrases like “Eva Braun” and “In the Epstein Files” have appeared en masse. One especially ambitious group of vandals even altered a massive billboard to make it look like Melania was defecating on the American flag.
We wish we were kidding.
The situation has reportedly become so bad that Los Angeles Metro officials are now “proactively reassigning” buses carrying the ads to other areas in an attempt to minimize further incidents. That is not the kind of buzz you want two days before opening night.
Not a single ticket sold for the opening night of Melania at Boston’s largest theater pic.twitter.com/yFDpSerUKb
— Nate Gilbert (@NateGilbert) January 27, 2026
The empty-seat era
Online, the movie’s ticket sales have become an ongoing punchline. Screenshots circulating on social media show opening-night screenings in cities like Washington, D.C., New York City, and Boston with rows upon rows of unsold seats.
Things are allegedly so dire that someone even posted a Craigslist ad offering free tickets to any Boston screening over the weekend, plus $50 per seat occupied. The only condition? Attendees had to remain in their seats for the entire film.
Honestly, you lost us there.
In Boston, one user claimed there wasn’t a single ticket sold for opening night at the city’s largest theater.
After selling literally 0 tickets opening night at Boston's biggest movie theater, someone is paying people $50 to go watch Melania 😭
— First To Hear It (@firsttohearit) January 29, 2026
"Must remain in seats for entirety of film." pic.twitter.com/oNmLaHPLas
Behind-the-scenes chaos
As if the box office bloodbath weren’t enough, it sounds like the production itself was just as much of a mess.
According to Rolling Stone, roughly two-thirds of the film’s crew reportedly requested not to be credited at all. That alone tells you plenty.
Multiple sources described the experience of working with director Brett Ratner, who was previously canceled and remains deeply controversial, as deeply unpleasant. Crew members alleged long hours without proper meal breaks, trash left behind on set, and a generally hostile working environment.
“I feel a little uncomfortable with the propaganda element of this,” one source told Rolling Stone. “But Brett Ratner was the worst part of working on this project.”
If there was ever any doubt about the priorities of the former first couple, the film’s VIP premiere reportedly took place on the same day ICU nurse Alex Pretti was shot and killed by ICE agents. The optics were, to put it mildly, grim.
“I’m much more alarmed now than I was a year ago,” another crew member told Rolling Stone.
Perhaps the most honest quote came from a different source who admitted, “Unfortunately, if it does flop, I would feel really great about it.”
Based on everything we’re seeing, they’re about to have a very great weekend.
In Boston, one user claimed there wasn’t a single ticket sold for opening night at the city’s largest theater.