A simple question posted on Reddit sparked a wave of honesty from gay men reflecting on their past choices:
“Are there things you promised yourself you would never do again?”
The responses hundreds of them offered a mix of humor, vulnerability, and hard-earned wisdom. From dating regrets to deeper issues of identity and self-worth, the thread became a snapshot of growth within the LGBTQ+ community.
Hard Lessons About Love and Self-Respect
One of the most common themes was learning when to stop chasing the wrong people.
Many shared similar experiences:
- pursuing someone who showed no interest
- sacrificing self-respect to keep a connection alive
- trying to “win over” emotionally unavailable partners
As one person put it, you can’t force someone to fall for you—but you can lose yourself trying.
Refusing to Go Backwards
For some, the biggest vow was deeply personal: never going back into the closet.
Others echoed similar sentiments about self-acceptance, including:
- refusing to feel shame about being gay
- letting go of internalized negativity
- embracing identity fully and openly
These responses highlighted how personal growth often comes from overcoming years of societal pressure.
Dating Red Flags They Won’t Ignore Again
Another major theme was setting stronger boundaries in dating.
Common “never again” experiences included:
- staying on dates where someone misrepresented themselves
- tolerating dishonesty about age, appearance, or intentions
- ignoring obvious incompatibilities
Many said they’ve learned to walk away immediately instead of giving chances out of politeness.
Relationships That No Longer Work
Some lessons were more specific to relationship dynamics.
These included avoiding:
- long-distance relationships without clear direction
- partners who display jealousy or controlling behavior
- emotionally unavailable or “down low” individuals
There was a strong emphasis on clarity, honesty, and mutual effort.
Risky Choices and Personal Boundaries
Several responses focused on experiences tied to personal well-being.
Examples included:
- avoiding substance-heavy environments
- not engaging in situations that compromise safety
- recognizing when something is not aligned with personal values
These reflections showed a shift toward prioritizing health and stability.
Letting Go of External Validation
One particularly revealing theme was about validation and attention.
Some admitted they once relied heavily on:
- social media attention
- physical validation
- external approval
Over time, many realized that attention doesn’t equal connection—and that real confidence comes from within.
Growth Through Experience
At its core, the conversation wasn’t about regret—it was about evolution.
These shared experiences reflect:
- increased self-awareness
- stronger personal boundaries
- a deeper understanding of what truly matters
Growth often comes from doing the wrong thing once—and deciding never to repeat it.
Why These Conversations Matter
Open discussions like this help normalize shared experiences within the LGBTQ+ community.
They also:
- provide guidance for others navigating similar situations
- highlight common patterns in dating and identity
- encourage healthier relationships and self-perception
Sometimes the most valuable advice comes from lived experience.
FAQs
What are common lessons gay men learn in dating?
Many involve self-respect, recognizing red flags, and not chasing unavailable partners.
Why is self-acceptance a recurring theme?
Because many people grow up facing societal pressure, making self-acceptance a major milestone.
What relationship mistakes do people avoid later?
Dishonesty, lack of effort, and unclear expectations are commonly avoided.
Why is validation a common issue?
External validation can feel rewarding short-term but often doesn’t lead to meaningful connection.